Accosting a Candidate... Maybe

I really should be writing a blog post about the Stupendous Grandma Trip of 2012, a tale of two grannies (my sister-in-love, Wynette, and I) trekking across the country.  But I'm afraid that once I tell the story of how we visited the World's Biggest Ball of Twine, everyone will get over-excited, and stop reading completely.  And I really need to tell this pertinent, timely story first.


I feel I must preface this by saying that this will not be a political story, although it will involve a political person.  If you've known me for longer than five minutes, you know I love politics, and certainly don't shrink from discussing it in the right setting. But I don't want to be that obnoxious person who uses Facebook and her blog as a boring platform.  My social media outlets encompass friends from work, church, community, school, etc., so  I usually keep my politics more private, unless I'm asked.  Luckily, I'm asked often. :-)  If you want to know how I feel about something and why, then hit me up privately, and I'll spill.  Oh, I'll spill -- as many of you know, and sadly, encourage.


ANYWAY....  the story.


So there I was, tooling down I-70.  I'd left Wynette's place in Henderson this morning, and was making good time.  I was in Utah, between Salina and Green River.  If you travel that stretch, you know it as "the section where there are no services for over a hundred miles."  It's also the stretch where Bonnie and Natalie and I almost died a few years ago.... but that's a story for another blog posting, right, girls?  I was zipping along at 80 miles per hour. (Yes, 80!!  There were signs up saying they were doing "speed limit testing" or something, so I got to go fast!)  Hmm, I can see I'm going to be quite easily distracted while telling this tale.  I'd best start over.


So there I was, driving in Utah.  I got a text from one of my "work peeps," saying that my assistance was needed quickly.  I was approaching a "scenic overlook" area, which was around a bendy road that curved around a hill.  I whipped in, snaked around and parked, glanced to my left, and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but Mitt Romney's bus.  It was large and navy blue.  Wow!


Okay, I know it's annoying, but I have to pause again to say something else.  I'm kind of a freak about meeting political candidates, because you just never know which one is going to turn out to be President, and we'd all like to be able to say we've met the President, right?  And because of my unique blend of "living in first-in-the-nation caucus state of Iowa," "formerly having a super specialized job with CNN," and "being a political junkie," it turns out that I've met or talked on the phone with most of the political candidates since the Clinton era.  So to just happen to get called by work at that minute, and to just happen to whip into a random "scenic overlook" in the middle of butt-nowhere, and happen to see Romney's bus... that's fun.


So in an instant, my razor-sharp (ha) mind noted that there was a small group of people gathered around the steps of the bus, as though they were boarding for departure.  Obviously, there would be no time for planning my approach.  With no regard for my personal dignity (as if I EVER have such regard) I hopped out of my car, which was parked right at the back side of the bus, and called out, "Mister Romney!"  (It probably should have been "Governor" Romney... but that's the least of my embarrassment, I suppose.)  Mind you, I didn't actually see Romney in the group of people... but I assumed he was probably there.


For some reason, the group paused and looked over.  I realized I didn't see him, although I'm not super familiar with his appearance. But they were sort of looking into the bus, and then this head popped out.  I realized I was on the spot to say something, so I called out three words.  Oh dear.  I can't even bring myself to tell you, dear readers, what they were.  You'll have to hit me up in private if you'd like to know.  But let's just say I was pressed to say something quickly, and quickly I said something.


The people sort of chuckled and the head popped back in the bus, turtle-like.  They all quickly boarded, and I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture.  The bus pulled out and was gone.  There were three touristy-type "regular folks" standing there watching, and I called out, "Was that...?" and they nodded real big, and got in their car and left.  I just stood there scratching my head for a minute, then remembered that I had stopped for an actual reason.


I got back in my car, and handled the work situation.  ("Another life saved.")  Side note:  Turns out that I get pretty slow internet when I'm parked at a scenic overlook a quarter mile from the Interstate, at least 50 miles from any sort of town civilized enough to even have fuel or other "services."  Crazy.


So here's the thing... I'm not even sure that was Mitt.  The lateness in the day and the direction of the setting sun made it hard to see that side of the bus, and you can see in my photo.  While I was sitting there with my slow internet, I was googling to find out where he is today.  The best I could find out was that yesterday, when he made a statement about the Colorado shootings, he was in the Northeast. The head was Mitt-shaped, certainly, but that doesn't mean much.  Maybe the people chuckled because they thought I was nuts, and might charge them if they didn't act pleasant.  For all I know, they jotted down my license plate number, and I'm now on (yet another) FBI watch list.  Great.


After I finished my working and googling, I headed back out, and later I caught up to the bus.  I have to tell you that they drive at a very safe speed -- nowhere near 80 miles per hour.  I was careful to not make eye contact with the bus driver (it wasn't Mitt, by the way), or even look too closely at the heavily-tinted windows, in case they really did think I was a loon.


So, I exchanged words with yet another Presidential candidate.  Maybe.  Either way, it was a fun story.


Sometimes my life is surreal, even to me.




UPDATE:  After a few Facebook comments, I realize that I'd better just admit the three moronic words that I called out.  Okay, here we go. I cheerily said, "Go get 'em!"


Of course, I meant a general, "Go take on the democratic process, and show the world the glory of free and fair elections!"  The people who were gazing at me, especially if that wasn't Mitt in the bus, probably thought I said, "Go get him!"  And that will only contribute to my name being added to the FBI watch list.  In fact, don't be surprised if I disappear from this hotel room tonight.  Wish me luck.

Another blog for Metaverse...


Well, it was my turn to write the blog post for my company.  It always stresses me out, because it's hard to pull out just one topic from the scary tangled mess that is my brain.  I got lucky this time, because I wrote some stuff in an email group I'm in (which happens to include the company CEO... who was my friend long before she was a CEO), and after she read it, she said, "Looks like a blog post to me!"  And now it is.  Phew.  Easy-peasy.  So, here's the post:


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Offline Advice: Tips for Sports Parents

 

Yes, we’re all techno-geeks.  We can’t get enough of our electronic gadgets.  But eventually, we all have to pull away from our computers long enough to do something else.  Well, most of us do.  Okay, some of us.  If you’re a parent, it’s likely that you get pulled away fairly often.  Kids have a funny way of expecting to eat a few times a day. And if you’re a parent whose children are involved in sports, there’s even a regular schedule you’re supposed to follow. 

As a sports mom, I’ve got some street cred. Four athletic kids (one’s an All-American!), plus a coach for a husband – that all counts. And while volleyball is my family’s “thing,” we sure aren’t a one-sport bunch.  Oh no. Football, basketball, track, cross country, wrestling, soccer, bowling (yep, that’s a “sport”), baseball, softball… and that doesn’t even include their “fine arts” endeavors.  Oh yes, I’ve put in my time in the bleachers.
 
So, here is some offline advice for sports parents.  You’re welcome.

First tip:  Go. Your kid wants you there, even if he feigns disinterest in your presence, or acts like you are an embarrassment. (Bonus tip: If you’re sporting a jersey with his picture on it or waving a big foam finger – any finger — you ARE an embarrassment.) Learn the appropriate things to call out. If you don’t know the rules and intricacies of the game, keep your mouth shut until you do, except to be encouraging. Take your cues from the more seasoned parents, but remember…

Second tip:  Most parents are idiots when their kids are playing sports.  Don’t let them drag you into their lunacy.  If it’s more fun to sit somewhere else, then sit somewhere else.  But don’t sit with the other team’s parents, because they’re even bigger idiots.

Third tip:  Be kind to the refs.  They really don’t hate your kids.  They’re probably calling the game the way they actually see it.  Sometimes they get it wrong, but games are almost never lost because of bad calls, even if it seems that way.  Even if a “bad call” happens at the end of the game, there were still plenty of missed opportunities, turnovers, or incidents of poor execution that might have changed the outcome.

Here’s a bonus tip about basketball, when your team is playing:  If your team is on defense, and one kid bumps another, you’ll see it as an offensive foul.  If your team is on offense, you’ll see it as a defensive foul.  You just can’t help it… you see it as the other team’s fault.  Keep that in mind before you stand up and scream about the inequity of it all. And remember: It’s a lot more fun to quietly mock the parents from the other team who are standing and screaming about the inequity of it all if you haven’t already engaged in that behavior.

Tips for immediately after the game:  Ask your child what she felt she did well, and what she thinks she can improve on. Find a skills-related thing to compliment your kid about, and a character-related thing to compliment her about.  Save your skills critique for later, and save your character critique for later.  BUT! Be sure to see my next two paragraphs regarding the critiques.

About the skills critique: Think it over before you choose to discuss skills and technique.  Talk to the coach if you’re not sure about something — they might be teaching a method that you don’t know. It is okay to show your child another way, but do your best to not undermine the coaches, or sabotage their system.

And about saving the character critique for later: Get to it, but not immediately after the game, when emotions may be running high. But don’t make the mistake of never addressing issues you see in their character.  If you’re lucky, the coach might help in that area, but ultimately, it’s your problem.  If you disagree with the coach, talk to him — don’t tell your kid to do something different than the coach tells him to do. (Example:  we taught our kids to put out a hand and help up an opposing player if someone got knocked down — one coach didn’t allow that, because he thought it could start a fight, or put the kids in danger of being punched.) Whatever you’re noticing — back-talking the coach, rolling eyes at the ref, laughing at the other team, not being encouraging to teammates – address it with your child, and work with them to overcome these things.

And my top tip: Remember why you’re doing this. It’s not about building an athlete; it’s about building your child’s character. Except for a few very rare exceptions, our kids are never going to “go pro.” But they are going to have to function in the real world, where there are wins and losses, fairness and inequity, good skills and poor skills. What they learn about managing those things will be far more important than anything they can learn about a sport.

– Susie South | Chief Moderator | Metaverse Mod Squad, Inc.

[Originally posted here.]



This One's For the Squirrels

One reason I don't blog often enough is because of my email buddies. I have had an "email group" for, hmmm, probably at least 15 years. The participants have changed over that time, with some fading in, and some fading out, but it's always been a place where many stories have been swapped. I love my email girls. They remind me that even though we have different ideas, skin colors, economic backgrounds, religions, likes, dislikes and STD's (just kidding), underneath, we're just women with mutual love and respect for each other.  And we share a weird, irreverent humor. Plus, the subject lines of our emails are so stinking funny sometimes. Oh, but back to the point... the reason I don't blog often enough is because THEY get all my words. Lucky them. But tonight, they get NOTHING (unless they happen to read my blog) because what I was going to tell them is about to get blogged. I shall begin with the four words that comprise the beginning of every good story I tell...


SO THERE I WAS, sitting in the drive-through of Culver's, after ordering a salad and a one-scoop Flavor-of-the-Day. I was on my iPhone, catching up on my email group's daily yappings. Earlier in the morning, I had read A's first contribution, which was in response to some great news I had shared... my cancer scans came back "clean" this morning.  Woohoo!  A's contribution was this: 



We saw a squirrel in a parking lot yesterday.  Sitting in one of the spaces, which was a little weird.  Then it ran into one of the bushes and M [her adorable 6-year-old daughter] said "That is because squirrels like to be alive."  Same with Susie!



Now, that is such a great story, isn't it? It made me smile like crazy, because I love A, I love M, and I love to be alive, too.  Just like the squirrels. Then I read T's email, which also contained a squirrel story:


Yay for you, Susie!! That's the best news I've heard all day!! (of course it's early, so keep the good news coming).I saw a fat squirrel in a tree the other day and my thought process went like this: "Hey! There's a kitty in that tree! What a funny looking kitty! I hope he doesn't get stuck up in that tree - I'd have to call in some handsome firemen to save him... maybe he's on an incredible journey with his dog friend that I can't see.... wait... that kitty is not just funny looking... wait... that's not a kitty! HOLY *%$# THAT'S A SQUIRREL! OMG! IT'S THE FATTEST SQUIRREL I'VE EVER SEEN! I need to put this on the internet!!! I need a fat squirrel meme!!! Crap... he's gone..."


Now, I can't even explain how much this made me laugh like a maniac, right there in the Culver's drive-through, awaiting my salad and my FOTD. (But you know I'll try.)


I just have this "thing" with squirrels. It all started when I was 16 or 17, and a squirrel committed suicide by flinging himself under my car.  This was very traumatic for me, I assure you. I saw him approaching, and had slowed a bit, because it was safe to do so.  Then he stopped, so I continued on, and he just FLUNG his squirrelly body under my car. There was a thump, and a wee scream (I might have imagined that part), and I was too traumatized to look in the rear view mirror to see the carnage.  So I went home, and called my mom, who happened to be at my grandmother's house with my aunts.  I was telling the story tearfully, all the while knowing how ridiculous I sounded, and she was trying hard not to laugh, but finally gave up and just howled.  She had been repeating enough of what I was saying that my aunts knew what was happening... and that was that.  I was Susie the Squirrel Slayer.  They have never let me live it down.  There were squirrel cards, squirrel statuettes, secret messages from traumatized squirrels.  You can only imagine what a living hell my life has been.


So, fast forward to this past fall.  There I was, taking a walk near Iowa School for the Deaf.  It was a gorgeous day, with all the fall colors blazing. I noticed a cute little squirrel by a tree, and (because I'm a dork who documents nearly everything with my handy iPhone camera) I took a few pictures of him.  He ran up the tree and I walked on. I had only gone a few steps when I heard all this commotion up in the tree, so I stopped and looked. My little squirrel friend was falling out of the tree.  Mid-fall.  He was mid-fall in mid-Fall.  (Get it?) He was all stretched out, legs extended, slowly rotating, with an expression on his face like, "What the heck?!?  I'm a squirrel, and I'm falling out of a tree." I think I must have flashed back to Suicide Squirrel, because I just couldn't watch him land.  I looked away, heard the thump, and then gave a quick peek, praying I wouldn't see exploded squirrel carcass all over the ground.  (This was necessary, because I was going to be walking back the same way I'd come, and if there was going to be exploded squirrel carcass, I was going to find an alternate route.)  But no, he was scampering off to another tree.  Phew.


Okay, now fast forward to TODAY.  Today started off weird, with a pretty substantial snowfall that I hadn't realized was coming.  (I was pretty sick and out of it yesterday.)  We had to be at the hospital early for my scans, so the snow had to be cleared off my car before we could leave. Then the day turned all sunny and bright, and by noonish, the snow was all gone.  But then, mid-afternoon, it started snowing again!  So weird!  Almost blizzard-like!  So there I was, on the phone for a pretty important client conference call, sitting in my recliner, paying attention and taking notes and exchanging info with my colleague (also on the phone call) via AIM (that part will only make sense to some of you), when suddenly, something in the tree outside my window caught my attention.  I'll bet you can guess what it was.  Yep, a squirrel.


Now, at this point, I had read A's email with the cute anecdote about what her daughter said, but I had not read T's email.  And I hadn't thought about the squirrel I murdered 30 years ago, nor the kamikaze squirrel from last fall. (Last fall... get it?) But still, I became immediately transfixed (while continuing to pay attention to the phone call, of course) and watched him. He frolicked about, and then jumped from the tree branch to my roof.  I'm sure he's done that many times.  But this time, there was snow, then melted snow, then snow again, which was already melting.  I honestly don't know what the problem was.  Maybe he was just a really poor roof-leaper.  But I saw him glide out of sight into the space that should have been "on my roof," and then there was all this scrambling and little brown legs and whatnot.  And then he was briefly clinging to my roof by his two little front paws, and I kid you not, we had eye contact through the window in that split second before he did the splayed-out, slowly rotating thing.  Yes, with a silent scream of terror, he fell from my roof. I don't know if he hit the porch, or the ground, or the bush, but he fell.  And I couldn't shriek, or yelp, or offer to perform squirrel CPR, because I was on a pretty important conference call.  It's a good thing it wasn't a video conference, because I'm sure my face was not particularly business-like at that moment.


By this time, you might be wondering, what is the point of all this?  Well, so am I.  There is no point.  It's just that I love my life, a life that has days when one friend is so happy for my good news that she tells a precious story about her daughter and relates it to my great blessing, which causes another friend to remember and relate her weird squirrel story, along with her happiness for me... and then in the same day, a squirrel falls off my roof while staring me in the eye.  


There is no point, except that my life is great, and I am so blessed to be the one living it.  Not so great for the squirrels, I admit, but for me?  Awesome.

Jubilee!!

I just want to say that I am so, so happy to be fifty years old!  I know I’m supposed to be dejected, and feeling old and useless, but I don’t feel that way.  Not one little bit.  I’m not one to spend time whining about what’s happened before, but for the sake of remembering with thankfulness, I’ll say that there were many times when we all wondered if I’d see thirty years old.  Or forty years old.  Or fifty years old. 

In my mid-twenties, there was the tumor (while I was pregnant) that the doctors were so sure would be cancer that they told me to begin settling myself with ending my pregnancy.  They were so sure, but they didn’t know what my God can do.  I didn’t end the pregnancy (I wouldn’t have, regardless), Brad was born, the tumor wasn’t cancer, and I made it. 

In my early thirties, I started having strokes.  Wow, not fun.  Not what you expect when you’ve got four school-aged kids.  I had a pronounced foot-drag, my left hand didn’t work so well, and I forgot words sometimes.  I worked HARD to improve those things.  About the time I got better, I had another, larger stroke, this time while home alone with my kids.  Frustratingly, no doctor could really determine what was causing this to happen.  Migraine headaches?  The weird hole in my heart?  A clotting disorder?  Even the esteemed Mayo Clinic couldn’t figure it out, although I spent one very lonely Thanksgiving and birthday away from my family, in the Mayo rehab unit.  They did help me walk better, though, so that was good.

My late thirties brought many issues with trying to control the strokes, taking blood thinning medications, then figuring out how to manage the issues the medications brought.  A routine check up found a lump on my thyroid, and a series of tests found it to be cancer.  Two surgeries in five days revealed it to be the most serious type of thyroid cancer, and determined that it had left the bed of the thyroid.  Treating it was not fun, but pretty awesome to me, since it’s a cancer that actually has a pretty safe and effective treatment.  However, it has to be checked yearly, which requires weaning off of the thyroid replacement meds.  That makes me pretty sick and weak and tired for about six weeks each year.  Not fun, but manageable.

With my forties came a return of the cancer, treatment, some heart surgical testing, blood transfusions, a hysterectomy, and eventually a giant tumor removal.  That one “should have been” cancer as well, and wasn’t.  Another bullet dodged.

I can’t even count all the surgeries I’ve had… I get lost somewhere around fifteen.  I honestly don’t understand why God keeps saving me.  I’m very much ready to see heaven, and live forever with Jesus.  I really am!!  (I hope you are, too, and if you’re not sure that you are, I’d love to talk to you about it.)
OK, now that I’ve talked about all that, I never need to mention it again!  Hey, there was no need for you to applaud that I’m shutting up about it.

A year ago, on my 49th birthday, I posted a Facebook note here about my “year of Jubilee.”  Here’s part of what I said:

In the Bible, the year of Jubilee happened every fifty years, and was about freedom and inheritance.  If a person had fallen on hard times and sold himself as a slave, in the year of Jubilee he became free.  If he had sold his family's land, it was returned to his possession during the year of Jubilee.  This was how God provided perpetual freedom and inheritance for His people.  The year of Jubilee happened (usually) just once in a person's life, so it was not something to be used casually.

So, how does this work for me?  I haven't sold myself as a slave, or surrendered my inheritance.  But I have been in bondage to some destructive thought processes.  I've been a slave to habits.  I've surrendered some of the joy of my existence.  It's time for me to celebrate my Year of Jubilee by releasing my hold on all things negative, and reaching out toward the good things that God has for me.

Unfortunately, I didn’t accomplish everything I meant to accomplish.  I did not complete my reading of the Bible, for instance.  I’m still working on it, and hope to complete it in my 50th year.  It’s been a great year of study, and I will be finishing it, even though it’s taking me longer than I’d planned.  I did a very honest assessment and found an area in which I was holding on to some “hurt.”  I’ve let it go, and have forgiven.  Soon, I will have also forgotten. (Maybe that’s a benefit of being “old.”)  :-)   I’ve always been a person who finds joy easily, but this year I’ve been even happier, and focused on being more positive.  I’ve worked on expressing gratitude more often.

I’m ready to take on the next part of life.  I’m surrounded by God’s love, by (and I mean this quite literally) the best family ever, and by a safe, warm, and happy home. 

It’s OK if you call me “old”… I’m quite proud to be fifty.  I’ve laughed so much that it’s wrinkled my face, worried enough to cause some gray hairs, and managed to wake up every day for fifty years.  When the day comes that I do NOT wake up, I know beyond a shadow of any doubt that I’ll wake up face to face with the God I’ve served my entire life, I’ll see the faithful ones who have gone ahead, and my loved ones will soon join me there.  I’m going to live forever, so the number here is just that… a number. 

Go ahead… call me old.  I’m honored.

Best Movie Ever...

Bonnie and Natalie (who will always be Dawg to me) decided that we needed to have a Mom/Daughter date today, and that we needed to watch The Greatest Movie Ever, which is, of course, Gone With the Wind.  So Bonnie, Dawg, Belinda ("Dawg Mom") and I gathered in the Jacoby's family room with a supply of pop and snacks, and watched the Blu-Ray version on their super-cool new 55-inch TV.  The Blu-Ray made it almost TOO realistic.  Wow!  At one point I said that it was so real, it was like there were slaves picking cotton in the Jacoby's garage (which is right behind the TV).  In some ways, I wish there were, because then we would have had someone to send to Sonic.  Inappropriate, Susie.  Sheesh.

The first time I saw GWTW, Lori Graham (from elementary school... wonder whatever happened to her!) invited me to see it.  I was in fifth grade.  For some reason, they were screening it in a school cafeteria, and we paid a dollar to get in.  Best dollar ever spent.  I loved everything about it.  During the Intermission (yes, there was an actual intermission!), Lori filled me in on some of the other details, and soon my Mom loaned me her copy of the book.  That was when the real fascination began.

Wow.  Not only the Best Movie Ever, but also the Best Book Ever.  Gone With the Wind is what caused me to love Civil War history, and to love that period in general.  For several years in a row, I read GWTW every summer.  Sitting on the front porch in a lawn chair with my feet up on the post and a glass of RC Cola next to me, holding that thick blue book in my lap, absorbing the persona of Scarlett O'Hara of Tara... thoughts of it can carry me back, to the point that I can feel the sun on my legs, hear my Mom rustling around in the kitchen behind me, and smell the tang of the cut grass and the slightly musty odor of the book that was already old when it was given to me.  My bookmark was a florist's business card, which my Mom had left in the book from when she read it in her own teen years.  Ahhh, memories.

My love of all things GWTW was pretty legendary.  My brother bought me the Scarlett O'Hara Madame Alexander doll... so, so pretty in her white dress from the first scene of the movie.  She was displayed in my room, along with other GWTW memorobilia (including a dollar bill with Clark Gable's face where George Washington's face should be) in a corner cabinet that now lives at my Kacy's house.  In an age where every girl had posters of rock stars and teen heart-throbs on their bedroom walls, my only two posters were a huge GWTW movie poster on the wall, and a full-sized, six foot tall poster of Rhett Butler gracing the back side of my door.

I don't like to say that my baby Bonnie was named after the Bonnie in GWTW, because, well... Bonnie Blue Butler didn't exactly live a long and full life. But that, and a grade school friend named Bonnie, are what made me start loving the name. 

Rhett.  Yes.
Ashley.  No.
We weren't too far into the movie today when (my) Bonnie said, "I can't quite decide if I'm Team Rhett or Team Ashley."  I suggested that she wait a little longer into the movie to decide.  If she had chosen Team Ashley, I might have disowned her.  Thank goodness, by Intermission, we had all completely agreed that we are making Team Rhett t-shirts, and will wear them proudly.

About ten years ago, when I was still with CNN Online, we had a conference in Atlanta.  My parents drove there, and after I had finished my conference, we embarked on what Mom and I called our "Gone With the Wind Tour" of the South.  We saw antebellum mansions, former plantations, took tours of Savannah, Charleston, and other points.  But the coolest thing (besides just an awesome, memory-making trip with my beloved parents) was what happened on our very first day.  We went to Stone Mountain, Georgia, and toured their plantation exhibit.  Meanwhile, there was a Civil War reenactment going on there.  But then, like some sort of a miracle, we went into this building, and they just happened to be hosting a traveling Gone With the Wind exhibit!  What?!?  We had no idea it would be there, and we'd been calling this our GWTW Tour the whole time we'd been planning the trip.  It was just so cool.  They had props and costumes from the movie, and tons of other cool stuff to see.  I will always treasure that day, indeed the entire trip, with my Dad (who was in charge of driving and paying) and my precious Mama, who was the one who first gave me my GWTW book.

My love of this movie and book is all wrapped up with my love of my mother, and her love of the movie and book, which, incidentally, was written the year she was born.  I'm just so glad that my girls also love the movie along with me.  It feels right.  Now if I can just get them to read the book!

MMS Blog

I am Chief Moderator of Metaverse Mod Squad.  I love saying that, because I'm proud of it.

If you know me even a little, you know how much I love my job.  Metaverse Mod Squad is absolutely the best company in the world.  We do just about anything that needs doing, in the online world.  There are roughly 200 of us spread around the world, and two brick-and-mortar offices (Northern California and Brooklyn, NY).  Our motto is "Yup, we do that."  We "keep the peace" in virtual worlds, we moderate content, we develop growing online communities, we generate buzz, we handle customer support, we write customized chat filters, we manage social media, we keep kids safe.  I wasn't kidding when I said we do just about anything that needs doing.  Heck, I was once a virtual bodyguard for Newt Gingrich.

Recently, it was my turn to write a blog post for the company blog.  The management team each took a turn through the summer, and when my turn came, I had some tips for parents.  I hope you find them helpful.

Parents: Stand Firm


Being a parent is not for the faint-of-heart.  It’s arguably the toughest job in the world.  Sure, you’re going to get hugs and kisses and a shout-out during their wedding toasts, but before that, you’re going to get puked on, pooped on, drooled on, peed on, whined at, whined about, and whined because of.  Most parents are able to strike a balance between evil ogre and best buddy, but we all know that there are areas in which we simply MUST stand firm, for the protection of our children.


None of us would let our kids play on the freeway, and really, we don’t let our kids navigate ANY road on their own for quite a few years.  Unfortunately, too many parents are simply releasing their kids on the ol’ Information Superhighway without much in the way of warning or protection.  In fact, many parents don’t even seem to realize that it could be dangerous.


So, what do we do?  Do we just forbid our kids to use the Internet?  Unless you’re Amish, this is not a practical plan.  (Two sub-thoughts:  One — Even Amish folks have access to the internet at times.  Two –  If you’re Amish and reading this blog, I want to say hello.)   Face it:  This whole “internet fad” is here to stay, and you need to get onboard and figure out a plan.

So, here are some tips for families:

  • Discuss in advance your expectations about your child’s use of the internet, then have your child write down his passwords.  Check them occasionally to ascertain that they have not changed.  You don’t necessarily have to use them, but having them lets the child know that you MIGHT use them.  Decide in advance what the penalty will be if the child changes the password without letting you know, or if he is caught in a place online where he has agreed not to be.

  • Educate yourself.  Do not say “My child knows more about the computer than I do,” even if it’s true.  Make sure you learn how to do everything that she is doing.  No excuses.  If your child developed diabetes, that would be her “new reality,” and you would learn everything there is to know about diabetes.  Well, the Internet is her “new reality,” and you need to get informed.  Do not be disheartened by this next bit:  this process will never end.  A few years ago, it was desktop computers in one room, then it was laptop computers all over the house, and next thing you know, every mobile phone is connected to the Internet.  By next week, there will be something new.  Get informed, and keep getting informed.

  • No computers behind closed doors.  Set up a place for the computer, so that the monitor is facing into a well-used room in your house, such as the family room.  Walk past often enough to see what your child is doing (in general), but don’t hover.  Ask a few questions, like “Is that a new site you’re on?”  “Who’s that you’re chatting with?”  Gauge their responses and demeanor when answering, according to what you know about your child.  An overly casual or overly angry response might tell you that you need to investigate further.  Every so often, stop behind them to chat about something, and see if there’s a rush to close windows or block the monitor.

  • Password-protect the computer, so that the kids need to ask permission before using it.  If you have to be the person to physically enter the password, you know when they’re on.  It also keeps them from the temptation to “sneak on” when you’re away from home, asleep, etc.

  • Decide what information the child CAN share with strangers online.  Gender and age range (such as “tween”) are probably fine, but you can discuss other things.  If you live in a large, populous state, you might allow that to be shared.  Otherwise, you might decide that a region (the South, the Midwest) is allowed.  The less common the information is, the more dangerous it is to share it.  14-year-old Marigold from Monowi, Nebraska whose hobby is sword-swallowing is much easier to “find” than teenager Emma from the East Coast, who likes fashion.  Kids like to talk about themselves, so help them decide in advance what details are safe to share.  And never let your child share any information that is in violation of a site’s terms of service, most which prohibit any personally identifying information for children under 13.

  • Check out every online community in which your child participates.  Find out what the moderation system is.  If you find the community to be inappropriate for your child, suggest other interesting choices.  Consider joining the site, and friending your child, but don’t overdo it.

  • Enforce the rules.  That seems obvious, but many parents are willing to be talked out of any consequences, because they just aren’t on sure footing, or don’t want to be the bad guy.  Don’t be that parent.  Even if the child has a reasonable excuse (“I wrote down the new password for you, but someone moved the paper.”  “Someone must have hacked my account.”), there still must be consequences, and you need to be more vigilant in the future.

  • Be a sleuth.  Find out what sites your child visits by using the browser history, cookies and cache.  You aren’t spying; you’re spot-checking.  Google your child’s name and see if it turns up on social networking sites.  You love him and want to trust him, but you need to check on him sometimes.

  • Delay smart phones and any other device with Internet access until your child has proven that she is mature and trustworthy.  Even then, let them know that the device belongs to YOU, and can be removed at any time for any infraction of the rules.  Remember, these devices are just small computers, and have the same dangers for your child that “the big computer” has.  Probably more.  Think this one over a long time, and do not let yourself be swayed by the “everyone else has one” plea.

  • Discuss your family guidelines with anyone that monitors your child for any length of time.  Grandma, a parent with shared custody, his friends’ parents, and babysitters need to be aware and onboard with the guidelines.

  • Be ready to adjust what is allowed.  At my house, it is about trust and freedom.  You have all the freedom that is appropriate to your age, as long as I trust you.  Any violation, and I do mean ANY, results in a step back in freedom.  As you show me you can handle that level of freedom, I trust you more, and you have more freedom.  Any major violation of trust results in a major reduction of freedom.   “I forgot” is a violation.  A lie is a violation.  A visit to an unsuitable website is a violation.  Not telling the parent about a request for personal information from a stranger is a violation.  Loss of freedom should be equal to the level of gravity of the violation.  The child quickly learns that it is in her best interest to live up to our expectation of trust.

  • Perhaps the best thing you can do to help your child prevent victimization is to increase his self-esteem.  The lower a child’s self-esteem, the more likely he is to be a target for a predator or bully.  The typical predator will seek out a child who lacks confidence, and who will respond positively to their advances.

  •  If your child uses social networking sites, stress to them that their popularity is not determined by the number of “friends” they have.  They should never accept a friend request from someone with whom they are not personally familiar.  The personal information they share, even through casual status updates, is like gold to a predator, and can be  used to gain their confidence and elicit more information.  Parents should occasionally sit with their child and help them cull their friends list.

  • Don’t freak out, unless it’s really time to freak out.  If your child tells you that a person on the game they’re playing keeps asking for his phone number, don’t go into a rant and scream, “It could be a kidnapper!  You’re never going online again!”  Just calmly help your child block that person, report it to the game administrators, and thank your child for being wise enough to tell you.  Your reasonable reaction now means your child is more likely to tell you things in the future, and could be the difference between safety and disaster.

  • Watch for warning signs that your child has been victimized, or is in danger of victimization.  Some warning signs:  Your child is online too much, often at night.  Your child receives phone calls from people you don’t know, or he makes these phone calls.  You find pornography on his computer.  He withdraws from the family.  He turns off the monitor or minimizes windows when you approach the computer.  If, heaven forbid, you find evidence that your child has been victimized, contact your state or local law enforcement agency, the FBI, and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, and turn the computer off to preserve evidence.

  • Be the person that you want your child to become.  While this advice applies in every area of life, it certainly also applies to Internet and computer use.  If you can’t be bothered to listen to him talk about his baseball game because you’re chatting with Aunt Jane, or feeding your pigs on Farmville, then don’t be surprised when he ignores your calls to supper while he’s playing online.

Some good news:  There WILL be a day when you can breathe a little easier.  The bad news, though… by that time, you’ll need to be concerned about your grandchildren.

Good luck, parents!


-Susan South


This post first appeared here.


NOM!!

Since posting a picture on Facebook, some have asked for this recipe.  I'm not a food blogger, and didn't make up this recipe, but I can share!  So, from Susan Noel's Kitchen, here you go!


Cake Batter Rice Crispie Treats


4 Tblsp butter (1/2 of a "stick")
1 bag of mini marshmallows (about 10 oz)
1/3 cup yellow cake mix
6 cups of rice crispies (I use the store brand... sorry Snap, Crackle and Pop)
1 container of colored sprinkles (about 1.75 oz)


Melt the butter in a large saucepan or dutch oven, then add the mallows.  As they start to melt, add the cake mix, a spoonful at a time, and stir it up real well.  When the mallows are melted, remove from heat, and add the cereal slowly, coating it with the mallow mixture.  Add half of the container of colored sprinkles, and mix in well.  Spread in a 9x13 dish, or even a larger, lower sheet pan.  Put the rest of the sprinkles on top, and press down just a little.  


Tip:  If you spray your hand with non-stick spray, it's easy to press the treats into the pan.


Another tip:  If you bake these when no one is around, then burn some scented candles, you can successfully hide them from the rest of the family, and keep those pigs out of your stash.
Untimely Demise